STOP IT, IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!!!

My 11 year old daughter came home yesterday after a day out at an adventure park with her graduating class. She came to me and said mum, "do you think I am too white?" When I asked her what she meant, she said that her friends always tease her about having such white skin. To be honest I was shocked. What are we teaching our children that in 2012 our kids are still teasing each other about having a 'tan' or not? STOP IT! IT DOES NOT MATTER!!!!!!!!

It's easy for all of us to be horrified at the story of Clare Oliver who lost her battle with cancer in 2007 after years of tanning at salons. The law in fact has just been changed and tanning salons have been banned in Victoria. It's easy to be angry about this and get behind the cause to ban these 'cancer making' salons but why then are our kids still teasing each other about being 'too white'?

Don't give me the excuses of oh well the media portrays 'tanned' as beautiful or that our children see images of 'tanned' people all the time, or that the sun is healthy. This is not an issue about what society deems to be beautiful it is about what we role model to our kids and what we tell them is beautiful. I understand in my childhood this was an issue. After all we live in Australia, the sun worshipping country, but we also live in the country with one of the highest skin cancer rates in the world.

I am angry that my daughter even has to think about this. I am angry that there are other children out there teasing my daughter about her skin being 'too white'. Get over it, it really does not matter. Our children have enough to deal with when it come to the real issues of growing up, the 'whiteness' of their skin should not be one of them.

Is being tanned a priority for you? Do you feel more beautiful with a tan? Why does the colour of your skin matter? Comment here or email at secretsofmotherhood@gmail.com x

Autism......a gift I was given!

I was privileged a few years ago to run a house that offered respite for families of children with varying behavioural and physical abilities. Many of the kids we cared for were on the 'autism spectrum'. Autism is a spectrum disorder relating to social, communication, fine and gross motor, intellectual and other accessed skills. There are different types of autism and children with autism can have many related medical issues. The diagnose of children is on a spectrum, meaning there is a 'range' of functioning between those diagnosed with autism. (I am no expert just my understanding as a paediatric nurse of almost 20 years).

As I said I was grateful a few years ago to help these families out by running a house where the child diagnosed with Autism could come and interact socially with others whilst giving their families some respite. My life was changed by these families. The impact these children and their families had on me was profound. They taught me things about the world that I never would have seen through my own eyes. I was blessed to experience the lives of these families and gain a greater understanding of what this diagnosis means.

The other day I was busy doing my christmas shopping amongst the hundreds of other shoppers and I was walking through the centre and heard some yelling. I continued on and came across a mother sat on the floor with her son explaining calmly to him that the shop had sold out of red cars but that they had blue ones left. The child was obviously distressed and yelling loudly. I then saw the mother get up off the floor and remove herself from the child and begin to cry. There were so many people standing around 'watching' them and the mother decided to let everyone know what was happening. She yelled at the crowd that her son was autistic and not a side show to be starred at. I went up to this mother and asked her if there was anything I could do to help. She broke down, we distracted her son, sat down and had a coffee whilst he played with the red car I had in my bag.

This is not a story to highlight my help or to tell you about my disappointment in the crowd 'starring', it is about this mother and her son. I understand that many people do not know what to do or how they can help in a situation like this, well then keep walking. I didn't know if I could help but I choose to try or leave. I have just a small understanding of how difficult it can be to care for a child with autism, but what I do know is that the parents I have known over the years with children with autism are no different to me or you. They are doing the best they can with what they have.

I absolutely admire these parents and I am inspired all of the time in the way they navigate the world not only for how they feel but for their precious children. I admire their commitment and love in some of the toughest situations. Children with autism are a gift this world is yet to fully realise. They have so much to teach us I just wish for these families that society will soon catch up.

So to the mother in the shopping centre and all other parents who live everyday with a child with autism, I praise you and ask you to be patient with the rest of us and help us understand your life and the gorgeous gifts your children have to offer. To the children who have been in my life, thank you for teaching me and for letting me see YOU!

Comment here or email at secretsofmotherhood@gmail.com x

 

Politics....a fundamentally flawed system!

I recently decided to do something that was completely out of my comfort zone and something I never really envisaged being a part of my life. I ran for local government. I have spent many years involved in my community in varying roles and for those that put the idea in my head, and many others, it seemed like a natural progression. So as I do with most things I took it on 100%. It was tiring and overwhelming at times. Putting yourself out there to be judged on everything you say and do and some things you don't even say or do, can be a daunting and difficult task. But that was a part of it. I mean if you choose to represent a community then I believe the community has the right to challenge you on your ideals. So the process involved getting a team together to campaign for local government office in my area. A part of this process was to work our what I stood for and why I felt I could represent my community and what I had to offer them.

Even though I had a background in government related areas I spent the 12 months before doing a lot of learning about what the role would be and why I would do it. I spent time at workshops, weekends of theory on the subject, online forums discussing local government, talking to my community, well talking to absolutely everyone, I am sure my friends were sick of hearing from me for awhile there. So I came to the conclusion that I could do the job and set about on the 'campaign trail'. Throughout the whole process, the support and passion I got for my campaign was what kept me going, people seemed to think I could do this and for that I will always be overwhelmingly grateful.

It was one of the most stressful, eye opening, interesting, fun, empowering and incredible learning experiences of my life. One thing it taught me though is that politics is not for me. You see I learnt very quickly that politics is not about representing the community, it is about playing a game. It is about putting aside your 'real' ideals and making deals with whoever and whatever you can to get the job done. In many circumstances this may have an outcome that is good for the community but unfortunately along the way many relationships will be lost. This is not a game I played well and is not a game I want to be a part of. I was disappointed to see this game being played at a local level. At a level where it should be about the community.

The other day someone offered me commiserations for not being elected and I returned the sentiment with, "I think you mean congratulations". I am pleased I was not elected, I am pleased that I no longer have to be a part of the game they play. I find myself continuing to be a part of my community and will always be passionate about the 'causes' of my community and beyond. What I do not want is to be a part of a process that is so fundamentally flawed and so bureaucratic it will never reflect the true nature of a community.

The political agenda of anyone in these positions cannot be played down. Don't get me wrong, there are many excellent local government representatives around the world who spend a huge amount of hours of their time trying hard to represent their community, but what I have learnt is that unless the bureaucratic led decision making processes and old fashioned rules and regulations are not changed we as everyday people will find it a huge challenge to have any influence over the outcomes. Hey but who am I to stop trying!!!!!

Comment here or email at secretsofmotherhood@gmail.com x

Would you rather be right or be happy?

I heard something today which really made me think. "You need to stop trying to be right and start trying to be happy". It made me wonder if we live in a world where we have to be right. We live in a world where we have access to everything even before it happens. We live in a society where we can get the answer to any question we can think of, and many we don't, at the click of a button. Does this mean that we feel the need to know it all, do we spend too much time on being right that we forget to be happy?

I have many friends who know a lot of things. I know many people that are engaged and interested in things and spend much of their time educating themselves in all sorts of things. I was recently challenged about my idea that before you publicy make an opinon you should inform yourself of the topic being discussed. Obviously you need to discuss things to find out about them but this was more of a challenge about having information before making statements on a current issue. Is it ok to have an opinon? Yes it is but does every opinion need to be an informed one? Well I don't have the answer but what it does make me think is do we worry too much about being right. Do we miss out on being happy?

I like to be right, we all do, but most of all I like to be informed. I think that with all the information we have access to today we have to make sure that our motivation to be right is just and most of all that in our pursuit of rightness we do not lose the skill of being happy.

Sometimes it's worth it and other times it simply isn't worth our energy. There are times when you know what is right and it is up to you to be right, but then there are those times when you know you are right, but is being right more about your ego than the greater good? I think there has to come a time when being right is put down the list of our priorities and being happy is moved to the top. After all I think that if being happy is not your number one priority then being right will do nothing to enhance your life except give your ego a boost. If we spend our time giving energy to our ego then we will fail to see the real moments that are in front of us every single day. In the end life is not about being right or wrong, it is about being happy? So next time I am challenged about what I believe is right or wrong I will make it a point to ask myself, does me being right enhance my happiness?

So being happy, what does that mean to you? Being right, what does that mean to you? Would love to hear your thoughts. Comment here or email me at secretsofmotherhood@gmail.com x